Detached Living

I've griped about this in the past and I will continue to do so in the future. We've obviously had a shift in social norms and general interaction amongst people. Cem blogged this morning (unfortunately only in German) about how life has changed with the implementation of the Internet and how you tend to have more, yet shorter lived friendships, relationships, etc. via your digital world. I couldn't agree more with this. At the same time, I still feel that there is a major underlying current in this shift. You become more and more detached. It starts simply enough with an iPod (or more likely nowadays an iPhone). People walk through their world with a soundtrack in their ears with much less attention focused on their immediate surroundings. At home, the computer has become a primary distraction from all the issues facing one at home. It's a tool on one hand yet the greatest distraction at the same time. Catch-22? Further, social networks give the impression of being hyper-connected to everyone, yet how "real" are these relationships. If I add up my network of friends, links, followers, whatever, I have somewhere around 1500 people who are loosely linked to me on-line. I may interact sporadically with all of these people on some level but live? Who knows, maybe 100 of these people enter my life physically more than once a year. My core group is at most 10 I'd say (leaving out family members.) I do my best to maintain my network and friendships (I'm actually one to pay above average attention to maintenance of this but it's still tough.) I'll actually try to get on the phone with as many people in my network at least once a year to "catch up." This doesn't count though as true maintenance. It's systematic. The random interactions where you "bump" into someone are usually the most fulfilling. How often do you nowadays just bump into someone and decide to go grab a coffee and catch up? It's more likely that you say "hey, send me an email and let's meet up." Then out of ten such interactions, you may follow up on one or two. You may actually send an email to more than just one or two of those random meet-ups but it's so much "less." "Less is more" is not the solution in this case.

Cem is totally right that we have many more "acquaintances" via our digital lifestyles yet I feel people will tire of detached living. I define detached living as being detached in the real world and not "living" via physical experiences. I predict a shift to increased interaction on a social level. You can already see the benefits in such things a "Tweet-ups." People may interact on-line but make a point of actually getting together, be it for business purposes, social interaction or whatever. You can see the same effect in the OpenCoffeeClubs which have popped up all over the place. Maybe this is a geek phenomenon. Who knows, maybe the "rest of them" are interacting a lot more than the geeks. I don't believe that much though, especially when seeing younger generations and how they go about their daily lives. It's going to get worse before it gets better.....take a look at the success of on-line gaming (think they get out often?) At the same time, I'm glad to already see people doing something about it. We all feel it at times....this detachment. I can only say that I've so much more enjoyed actually meeting all the people who somehow influence my day-to-day life. I can't get enough at times to be honest since it gives you so much more and helps you grow. So, basically, this started out as a "gripe" but in all honesty it's more of a call to interact. Get out and interact live whenever you can. You may have less "interactions" but they'll be more fulfilling.

Comments

[Cem Basman]

Dear Paul, thank you for mentioning my morning musings in your blog and taking them to a further point.

Increased interaction on a social level is already a fact. Lars from Xing told me lately that he was very much astonished when he noticed that Xing members would meet face-to-face on organized parties. Today this is an essencial (viral marketing) part of the Xing movement.

People want to meet each other in real life. The virtual networks are a catalyst for this need.

The basis for social networking and relationships is always the real life. No matter if this is dating, business or something else.

My criticism of the New Web is that it is only focusing on the virtual life. I say, observe reality and develop entertaining and useful tools to leverage life itself. Or at least, make life more liveable. Start your thinking in real life and make your tool part of the real life of someone. Interweave the virtual part with the real life.

[Paul J.]

Couldn't agree more Cem!